2/23 Burrito Mile in Bethesda a Huge Success!

Hundreds of people showed up to compete and cheer on the burrathletes, who came from several states. And mainsteam media even got into it. The event was featured in

a report on Fox 5

.


 Burrito Mile Recap on MoCoRunning

Cedric Dana won the elite mile. Dana is a multiple time champion in the event, and in fact remains undefeated.

 

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  263. Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
  264. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
  265. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
  266. Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
  267. The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
  268. If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
  269. Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
  270. Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
  271. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
  272. There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
  273. It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
  274. Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
  275. Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
  276. Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
  277. It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
  278. Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
  279. Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
  280. It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
  281. Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
  282. C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
  283. It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
  284. In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
  285. The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
  286. Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
  287. One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
  288. He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
  289. As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
  290. It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
  291. We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
  292. I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
  293. Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
  294. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
  295. The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
  296. What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
  297. A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
  298. I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
  299. I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
  300. Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
  301. Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
  302. Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
  303. There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
  304. You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
  305. When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
  306. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
  307. It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
  308. Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
  309. If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  310. For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
  311. If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
  312. There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
  313. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
  314. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
  315. You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
  316. If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
  317. If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
  318. As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
  319. If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
  320. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
  321. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
  322. I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
  323. The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
  324. I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
  325. The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
  326. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
  327. The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
  328. We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
  329. In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
  330. A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
  331. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
  332. Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.
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  334. One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
  335. I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
  336. The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
  337. I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
  338. Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
  339. Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
  340. Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
  341. It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
  342. There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
  343. We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
  344. A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
  345. If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
  346. The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
  347. In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
  348. USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
  349. Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
  350. My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
  351. Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
  352. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
  353. A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
  354. Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
  355. If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  356. War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
  357. Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
  358. I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
  359. Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.
  360. Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
  361. The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
  362. It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
  363. Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
  364. My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
  365. I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
  366. We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
  367. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
  368. To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
  369. The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
  370. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
  371. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
  372. A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
  373. I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
  374. [War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
  375. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
  376. 2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
  377. Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
  378. Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
  379. And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
  380. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
  381. If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
  382. A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
  383. Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
  384. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  385. An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
  386. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
  387. We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
  388. I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
  389. Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
  390. DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
  391. Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
  392. You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
  393. Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
  394. He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
  395. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
  396. Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
  397. If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
  398. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
  399. That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
  400. Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
  401. All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
  402. Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
  403. Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
  404. The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
  405. I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
  406. Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
  407. As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
  408. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
  409. Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
  410. We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
  411. The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
  412. All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
  413. Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
  414. Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
  415. You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
  416. Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
  417. If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
  418. A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
  419. It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
  420. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
  421. The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
  422. Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
  423. Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
  424. I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
  425. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  426. For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
  427. Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
  428. Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
  429. The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
  430. It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
  431. Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
  432. All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
  433. Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
  434. The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
  435. The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
  436. The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
  437. Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
  438. The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
  439. Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
  440. When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
  441. When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
  442. In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
  443. The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
  444. He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
  445. God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
  446. Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
  447. It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
  448. Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
  449. The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
  450. Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
  451. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
  452. Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
  453. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
  454. The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
  455. The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
  456. Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
  457. Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
  458. I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
  459. ... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
  460. Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
  461. I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
  462. Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
  463. When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
  464. Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
  465. Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
  466. It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
  467. A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
  468. A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
  469. Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
  470. Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
  471. Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
  472. The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
  473. When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
  474. Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
  475. We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
  476. Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
  477. Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
  478. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
  479. Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
  480. Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
  481. The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
  482. Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
  483. If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
  484. Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
  485. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
  486. Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
  487. Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
  488. We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
  489. It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
  490. A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
  491. If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
  492. Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
  493. A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
  494. There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
  495. Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
  496. There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
  497. I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
  498. Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
  499. In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
  500. If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
  501. Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
  502. I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
  503. Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
  504. The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
  505. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  506. Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
  507. The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
  508. There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
  509. We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
  510. When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
  511. One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
  512. I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
  513. The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
  514. The truth is more important than the facts.
  515. Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
  516. If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
  517. A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
  518. I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
  519. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
  520. Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
  521. Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
  522. I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
  523. Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
  524. The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
  525. The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
  526. My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
  527. A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
  528. Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
  529. It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
  530. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
  531. The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
  532. No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
  533. I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
  534. A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
  535. I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
  536. He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
  537. Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
  538. If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
  539. Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
  540. Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
  541. Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.
  542. We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
  543. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
  544. Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
  545. I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
  546. Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
  547. The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
  548. Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
  549. It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
  550. We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
  551. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
  552. And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
  553. We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
  554. Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
  555. Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
  556. The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
  557. Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
  558. Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
  559. Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
  560. Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
  561. Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
  562. I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
  563. Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
  564. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
  565. Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
  566. There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
  567. I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
  568. A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
  569. My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
  570. For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
  571. It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
  572. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
  573. When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
  574. Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
  575. Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
  576. The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
  577. Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
  578. The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
  579. It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
  580. Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
  581. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
  582. When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
  583. Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
  584. How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
  585. Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.
  586. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
  587. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
  588. A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
  589. In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
  590. It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
  591. If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
  592. I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
  593. Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
  594. There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
  595. Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
  596. All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
  597. I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
  598. Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
  599. Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
  600. Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
  601. Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
  602. When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
  603. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
  604. If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
  605. Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
  606. I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
  607. Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
  608. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  609. Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
  610. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
  611. We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
  612. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
  613. Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
  614. I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
  615. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
  616. Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
  617. If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
  618. A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
  619. Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
  620. Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
  621. If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
  622. A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
  623. C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
  624. There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
  625. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
  626. From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
  627. Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
  628. 'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
  629. It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
  630. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
  631. I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
  632. Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
  633. I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
  634. Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
  635. Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
  636. Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
  637. The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
  638. Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
  639. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
  640. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
  641. TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
  642. The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
  643. I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
  644. Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
  645. If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
  646. Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
  647. There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
  648. Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
  649. We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
  650. I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
  651. There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
  652. Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
  653. The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
  654. I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
  655. Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
  656. A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
  657. He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
  658. The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
  659. Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
  660. Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
  661. If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
  662. War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
  663. I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
  664. One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
  665. Humor is just another defense against the universe.
  666. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
  667. Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
  668. If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
  669. We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
  670. The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
  671. If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
  672. All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
  673. The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
  674. I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
  675. A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
  676. Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
  677. Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
  678. I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
  679. 2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
  680. Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
  681. God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
  682. How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
  683. Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
  684. Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
  685. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
  686. Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
  687. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
  688. Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
  689. The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
  690. Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
  691. I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
  692. If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
  693. The truth is more important than the facts.
  694. The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
  695. Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
  696. DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
  697. A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
  698. Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
  699. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
  700. The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
  701. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  702. If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
  703. Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
  704. Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
  705. You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
  706. Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
  707. Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
  708. The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
  709. Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
  710. I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
  711. There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
  712. O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
  713. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
  714. I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
  715. Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
  716. Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
  717. Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
  718. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
  719. There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
  720. When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
  721. It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
  722. All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
  723. Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
  724. I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
  725. UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
  726. I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
  727. Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
  728. We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
  729. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
  730. A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
  731. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
  732. A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
  733. What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
  734. The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
  735. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
  736. Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
  737. Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
  738. A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
  739. Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
  740. A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
  741. I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
  742. Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
  743. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
  744. Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
  745. If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
  746. We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
  747. I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
  748. The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
  749. Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
  750. In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
  751. Everything that can be invented has been invented.
  752. The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
  753. Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
  754. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
  755. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
  756. Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
  757. The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
  758. Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
  759. A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
  760. After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
  761. I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
  762. USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
  763. Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
  764. Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
  765. If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
  766. Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
  767. It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
  768. If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
  769. I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
  770. Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
  771. I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
  772. When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
  773. I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
  774. If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
  775. Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.
  776. Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
  777. He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
  778. Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
  779. Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
  780. The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
  781. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
  782. Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
  783. When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
  784. Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
  785. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
  786. We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
  787. There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
  788. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
  789. Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
  790. Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
  791. Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
  792. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
  793. It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
  794. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
  795. Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
  796. Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.
  797. Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
  798. I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
  799. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
  800. In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
  801. All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
  802. I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
  803. The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
  804. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
  805. In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
  806. Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
  807. Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
  808. The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
  809. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
  810. Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
  811. Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
  812. An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
  813. Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
  814. If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
  815. The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
  816. When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
  817. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
  818. If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
  819. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
  820. Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
  821. Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
  822. Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
  823. I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
  824. If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
  825. Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
  826. Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
  827. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
  828. Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
  829. That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
  830. We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
  831. What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
  832. I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
  833. There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
  834. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
  835. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
  836. Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
  837. Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
  838. When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
  839. If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
  840. Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
  841. Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
  842. Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
  843. My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
  844. I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
  845. A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
  846. Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
  847. You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
  848. I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
  849. A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
  850. No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
  851. When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
  852. I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
  853. In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
  854. Silence is argument carried out by other means.
  855. If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
  856. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
  857. I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
  858. Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.
  859. Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
  860. For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
  861. The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
  862. If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
  863. Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
  864. Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
  865. The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
  866. A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
  867. Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
  868. The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
  869. And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
  870. They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
  871. We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
  872. Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
  873. No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
  874. Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
  875. Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
  876. Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
  877. A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
  878. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
  879. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  880. If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.
  881. We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
  882. The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
  883. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
  884. Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
  885. Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
  886. All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
  887. We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
  888. The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
  889. A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
  890. There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
  891. If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
  892. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
  893. Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
  894. Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
  895. Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
  896. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  897. Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
  898. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
  899. Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
  900. The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
  901. Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
  902. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
  903. Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
  904. Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
  905. Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
  906. You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
  907. One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
  908. Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
  909. Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
  910. [War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
  911. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
  912. If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
  913. If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
  914. Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
  915. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
  916. The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
  917. Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
  918. Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
  919. If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.
  920. A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
  921. Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
  922. The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
  923. How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
  924. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
  925. Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
  926. Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
  927. Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
  928. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  929. So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
  930. We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
  931. What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
  932. Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
  933. Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
  934. If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
  935. Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
  936. Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
  937. I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
  938. DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
  939. Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
  940. If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
  941. Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
  942. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
  943. Humor is just another defense against the universe.
  944. The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
  945. The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
  946. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  947. Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
  948. If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
  949. Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
  950. I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
  951. UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
  952. To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
  953. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
  954. The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
  955. A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
  956. Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
  957. I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
  958. We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
  959. The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
  960. Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
  961. We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
  962. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
  963. Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
  964. TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
  965. Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
  966. The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
  967. Black holes are where God divided by zero.
  968. Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
  969. Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
  970. Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
  971. The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
  972. Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
  973. I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
  974. All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
  975. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
  976. The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
  977. One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
  978. Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
  979. Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
  980. There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
  981. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
  982. The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
  983. Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
  984. The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
  985. Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
  986. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
  987. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
  988. The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
  989. In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
  990. Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
  991. The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
  992. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
  993. Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.
  994. If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
  995. Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
  996. Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
  997. I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
  998. I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
  999. Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
  1000. Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
  1001. Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
  1002. Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
  1003. As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
  1004. I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
  1005. The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
  1006. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
  1007. All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
  1008. Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
  1009. Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
  1010. Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
  1011. A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
  1012. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
  1013. Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
  1014. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
  1015. A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
  1016. Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
  1017. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
  1018. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
  1019. If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
  1020. Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
  1021. Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
  1022. Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
  1023. People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
  1024. He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
  1025. Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
  1026. Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
  1027. If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.
  1028. The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
  1029. Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
  1030. When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
  1031. I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
  1032. If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
  1033. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
  1034. When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
  1035. In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
  1036. There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
  1037. Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
  1038. If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
  1039. It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
  1040. Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
  1041. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
  1042. Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
  1043. Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
  1044. Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
  1045. Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
  1046. Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
  1047. A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
  1048. My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
  1049. A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
  1050. Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
  1051. I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
  1052. If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  1053. Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
  1054. When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
  1055. Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
  1056. Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
  1057. A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
  1058. The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
  1059. Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
  1060. All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
  1061. The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
  1062. Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
  1063. True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
  1064. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
  1065. My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
  1066. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
  1067. The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
  1068. Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
  1069. In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
  1070. In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
  1071. We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
  1072. A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
  1073. When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
  1074. Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
  1075. The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
  1076. We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
  1077. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
  1078. Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
  1079. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  1080. The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
  1081. Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
  1082. All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
  1083. Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
  1084. When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
  1085. In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
  1086. I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
  1087. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
  1088. Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
  1089. The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
  1090. Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
  1091. People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
  1092. Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
  1093. Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
  1094. Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
  1095. Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
  1096. Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
  1097. One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
  1098. I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
  1099. > > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
  1100. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
  1101. Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
  1102. I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
  1103. Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
  1104. We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
  1105. Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
  1106. Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
  1107. When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
  1108. Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
  1109. I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
  1110. Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
  1111. The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
  1112. Everything that can be invented has been invented.
  1113. Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
  1114. Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
  1115. Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
  1116. A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
  1117. My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
  1118. I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
  1119. Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
  1120. Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
  1121. Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
  1122. I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
  1123. If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
  1124. Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
  1125. A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
  1126. Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
  1127. Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
  1128. Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
  1129. If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
  1130. A camel is a horse designed by a committee
  1131. If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
  1132. Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
  1133. Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
  1134. How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
  1135. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
  1136. Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
  1137. How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
  1138. When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
  1139. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
  1140. The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
  1141. In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
  1142. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
  1143. Everything that can be invented has been invented.
  1144. Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
  1145. The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
  1146. Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
  1147. There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
  1148. Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
  1149. You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
  1150. The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
  1151. We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
  1152. I am not young enough to know everything.
  1153. Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
  1154. Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
  1155. The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
  1156. Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
  1157. O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
  1158. A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
  1159. He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
  1160. The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
  1161. He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
  1162. The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
  1163. Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
  1164. If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  1165. God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
  1166. A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
  1167. A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
  1168. Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
  1169. Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
  1170. Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
  1171. One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
  1172. Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.